My mom's surgery is tomorrow. The MRI had found another lump, but we finally found out this morning that it's benign, so surgery is as scheduled. It's funny, i don't think I'm thinking about it much, then I'm like, gosh, why won't this headache go away and BOY am I exhausted, and huh, my back's kinda sore and tense... oh... right. Apparently I suppress emotion a lot more than I thought I did.
The fact that I'm not sure how to approach art school and am sick of my job and freaked out about my future in general isn't helping. These things always compound and make each other worse. In general I'm doing ok, but I'm discovering that I really do repress emotions, or at least the long term bad ones that I feel like I don't have any control over. So maybe I'm not actually that happy, I'm just telling myself I am? I don't know. I think I'm fine. Just stressed.
I'm discovering some good music, however (Colin Hay omg love), and reading some good stuff at least. I just finished Contact (awesome), and while I decide what meatier book to dive into next, I'm rereading some favorite short stories. The best part of my life these days is the 20 minutes at the end of the day when I'm curled up on the couch with my book, or in bed pressing snooze for the first time in the morning, when I know I don't quite have to get up yet. It ...may be time for a vacation.
Aw, best wishes to your mom, sweetie. Call me tomorrow if you like. I'll be around.
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