"It looks like it's been through the Civil War."

Dear Author:

Thank you for submitting your manuscript on the Civil War for consideration with our publishing house. I'm afraid that we need to be looking for something more ...cohesive in the area you propose, but we do appreciate your considering us at this time.



Cordially,

Us.


(In the guy's defense, I think his manuscript was in the right order and pointing in the same direction when he first mailed it, but the original package had been torn to shreds in transit, and this was the state it was in when the shipping department delivered it to my office. No two pages were in the right order; it took me about 20 minutes to find a sheet with contact information on it.)