In which I bitch and whine. Not sorry.

My parents are getting a dog.

I'm not entirely okay with this.

It's not my decision, and it's really not any of my business since I don't live there anymore -- plus, they're getting a sheltie and shelties are SO SUPER CUTE -- but I visit them a lot, and ew, it's still a dog.  Dogs smell like dog and they drool and bark and run around and sometimes you have to touch them.  Even when you don't want to (which is always).

I'm exaggerating of course -- I don't mind dogs that much.  If my parents were pet-free at the moment I'd actually be pretty happy about the decision.  But they already have the two most perfect cats in the universe (I actually like their cats a little more than my own), and the atmosphere in their home is already pretty perfect because the cats are so calm and happy and sweet and affectionate and friendly.  I'm sure the poor things are going to run and hide the minute the dog shows up, and one of their cats has anxiety issues already and I'm sure she's going to start chewing patches of her fur off again.  I mean, my dad's been wanting a dog for years, so it was inevitable, but I was hoping they'd put it off longer.

I'm more irritated about this than I reasonably should be, and I think it's not entirely because of the cats (although that does annoy me).  This particular dog is my aunt and uncle's.  They've been spending so much time out of the house between work and driving an hour to where my cousin lives to help take care of the babies that they can't take care of the dog anymore, so they're giving it away.  They're also talking about selling their house and buying a duplex along with my cousin and her husband so that they can be right on hand to help.  So their little house might soon be gone, and I didn't realize what a psychological touchstone their little place was until this came up, so I'm a little disappointed on that front.

On top of this, technically unrelated to them moving or my parents getting a dog, my cousin's husband's health insurance unexpectedly only covered half of my cousin's hospital bill for delivering the babies, which means they're suddenly $20,000 in debt.  I think they're trying to set up some sort of payment system or something, but chances are suddenly good that we're going to have to sell my grandparents' house to cover their hospital bill.  This is another thing where it was going to happen someday, but I was hoping we'd be able to put it off longer.

My cousin's husband is of course the guy who spends much of his facebook energy deriding Obamacare.  I'm very strongly of the opinion that people can have all the stupid, ignorant opinions they want, but that they shouldn't be able to inflict them on other people.  Obviously, this is one of the main flaws of a democracy, and I understand this, but I swear, if he has the gall to continue to bitch about Obamacare after we've sold our family's house to cover his wife's hospital bill, I will hit him in the face with a 2x4.

So I think on some level I'm actually just upset about all these other changes that are going on.  When my cousin died and when my grandparents each died, I was horribly sad, but I could handle the changes it brought about in life because I had no choice, and because they were a secondary, less important symptom of the greater sadness.  I was very happy for my cousin when she got married, so I could deal with that change very easily because it was such a happy one.  Good changes are always good.  But the family maybe losing the lodge soon, and my aunt and uncle maybe moving out of their home they've been in so long, and my parents getting a dog are all changes just simply because time moves on and things change.  And they rock my foundations a bit more than I'm comfortable with.

And as to why these changes are hitting me harder than they really should, I don't know.  Maybe because I haven't gone on and created my own new family foundations?  Because there are so many other changes going on in my world that I'm uncomfortable with (the economy, friends moving farther away), that I don't want these very core things changed?  I don't think I used to be a person who couldn't handle major changes.

On top of it, I feel like I don't even really have the right to be that upset, because none of them directly effect me that badly.  They're not my major changes.  It's my parent's home and pets, not mine, and it's my aunt and uncle's house -- I see it maybe once a year.  The only thing I feel like I have any right to be upset about is selling the lodge, and that was always going to happen someday, and paying for my cousin's medical bills is as good a reason as any.  So I feel like a spoiled, overemotional brat about it.  Nobody likes that person who butts into your life and whines about how your changes effect them, and how they don't like it simply because it's different.  I certainly don't like that person.  (I don't think I actually know anyone like that, thank goodness, but I wouldn't like it).

So I'm trying to stay shut up about it around my family, and in general, after this first internal round of bitching and griping (that's what blogs are for), I'm going to try to work myself into a better mood and be a little less selfish about the whole thing (although my ire at my my cousin's husbands' political stances will probably continue to grow).  It's just that this family setting in NH, along with my parents' home, was always the very baseline of my life or identity or something, and I can feel it cracking a little bit.

I think this all just goes to drive home how poorly I'd have handled all the crap that happened in Monica's family this year if it had happened to me.  I mean, I already knew that, truly I did, but wow.